Coming Home

The Adoption process is similar to pregnancy in the fact of feeling like you're going to POP. But it's not my belly about to POP, it's my heart. My heart is full and I am SO ready to bring our girl home. I have her room ready, I have dresses in her closet, I've read the books, done the trainings, and completed the mountains of paperwork. We found out about her sweet life and first saw her precious face about 10 months ago for the first time when we started the matching process. I've traveled the world once already to meet her and can't wait to do it again to bring her home. The waiting is so hard.

BUT NOW...the wait is almost over!! After about a 2 year process, our day is almost here! We get to travel in about a month to bring her home! We will travel in about a month to bring her home. My title as a boy-mom is about to change. Our lives as we know it, our lives that we've been comfortable living as a family of 4 are about to change drastically. But HER life is about to change even more. After almost 3 years of life, our little girl will finally have a family. But she cannot gain a family without losing something first. She will lose her life as she knows it. She will lose her language and culture. She will lose some of the most sweetest and loving caregivers ever. And as joyful as I am that we get to bring her home to our family, a part of me also mourns with her in these losses. But even here I see a reflection of the Gospel in adoption.

We cannot know Jesus and gain a place in His family without Losing our lives first. We must give up our desires, our selfish tendencies, our plans, our everything...but in return we gain LIFE! We gain a family!! And Jesus had to LOSE his OWN LIFE, He lost everything. But HE gained SO much more. HE gained glory. He gained His people. He gained us, His family. While we mourn the loss that Sweet Pea will experience, we also have hope that we can reflect Jesus (at least a little bit) by bringing her into our family. It was such a sad sad day when Jesus died on that cross, but what a Happy Day it was when He washed our sins away.

We love you guys, Thank you for SO much love, support, prayers, and gifts you have given through the past 2 years. God is SO good and SO Faithful. We are thankful to Him for how He has led us and grown our family. Please keep praying for us as we transition our girl into our family. Pray for her in the grieving process as she loses everything. Pray for us to attach to each other quickly and well. Pray for our boys to be patient and gentle with their new little sister. 

Your prayers are the biggest blessing to us!

Much Love!

~B

 

Healing Hands

I recently had the best Doctor's appointment e.v.e.r

I am in Hashimotos REMISSION. The antibodies attacking my thyroid are GONE.

The yeast and bacterial overgrowth in my gut are GONE.

My Stress Hormone, cortisol, which was the source of many anxiety attacks is at an all time LOW.

About 2 years ago, I felt the Lord telling me to take a step of faith and begin the process of an international adoption. I had many hesitations at first. One was my health….

But Lord, my thyroid is still so sluggish…

But Lord, my Gut is a big mess and I have way too many food restrictions to make adopting from a foreign country even feasible..

But Lord, I still suffer from a these nasty anxiety attacks…

BUT GOD spoke to me in Isaiah 58 where God asks his people to care for the needy by feeding, clothing, and providing them shelter and says,

 "Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear.” (Isaiah 58:8a)

Then your healing will quickly appear...

We said Yes to adoption and began the process with full expectancy that in due time God would heal me. But still knowing that even if He chose not to, that His grace would be sufficient for me.

But He HAS!! Ya'll, HE is healed!! He is SO Faithful.

And just in time….

In February, we took our first trip to Taiwan to attend court and meet our little girl.  I felt energized. My food restrictions were very do-able. My anxiety was there, but very controllable. It was a nerve-racking trip of course, but God provided the calming manna I needed with each step of the trip.

And in just a few months we will bring our girl home.

He is Faithful even in the timing.

The healing process has been long and hard road for me. It's been about 3.5 years from the time I really got into Functional/Natural Medicine and really started changing my lifestyle. I wish I could say that there was a magic-pill that fixed everything. One special diet or supplement. But it's not so simple.

But what I do think, is that God most often brings healing when you put good things from His creation into your body. God values our physical body-He created us as fleshly beings and even took on Flesh Himself in the form of Jesus. There is no doubt that in His Fatherly love for us, He created so many things to help us in our human fleshly suffering.

Good pure food.

Healing Herbs.

Good bacteria.

Natural Medicine.

Like a seed, these are the things that I planted in my body. But it is only the Lord that has power to make things grow. These are the things He used to heal my human flesh. And through it all, he has refined my Spirit more and more to Trust Him.

He's not done yet.  I'm still not in a perfect place. I still have some work to do on my gut. I still have many food restrictions. I still get some acne. My anxiety will always be a thorn in my flesh. I still try to avoid my anxiety triggers. But He has brought me SO far.

And through it all I have become educated. I've become an advocate for my own health and the health of my family. I can use my own experience to bless others and guide them on their health journey, including my soon-to-be daughter!

A few years ago, I wrote a blog about some things that helped me physically, emotionally, and spiritually through a tough season of anxiety. Here, I wanted to share a few things that have been most helpful to me more recently. (And no, I don't get paid for these recommendations!)

This all may seem like a lot of time effort and energy. But you have to remember that I went through these in a course of a few years. I took baby steps. Before implementing the list below, I had aIready taken other baby steps like cutting out processed foods, limiting sugar, and going Gluten Free. I know I'm writing to an audience on various journeys on their health. My advice to you is to just take baby steps, and eventually you will look back and say, Wow! Look how far I've come! Look at what God has done!

Gut Thrive- Ok, this one is for the REALLY desperate people who want to heal their gut. The program is pricey and the program is hard-core. Think of it as a college course on the gut and a boot camp all at the same time. It was the key to me killing these super resistant pathogens in my gut and healing and sealing my gut. Plus, the level of knowledge I received is so invaluable because now I can apply it to the rest of my family. But I know Gut Thrive is not for everyone, but I DO think EVERYONE in the US needs to do some heavy duty work on their gut. Working with a Functional Medicine Doctor on this can be super helpful but here is a good place just for info: 4 Steps to Healing Leaky Gut

From the Gut Thrive Program, I learned about my 2 most Favorite Supplements:

Desiccated Beef Liver gives me so much energy! (and don't worry you can get it in a pill) It naturally has high amounts of vitamin A, iron and B vitamins that I really need with my MTHFR gene.

Colostrum-(from cows or goats) There are so many benefits to this liquid gold. For me it helped to seal up my leaky gut and get my immune system back in order. A superimportant one!

The AIP diet. -probably THE hardest diet ever. But so helpful for anyone with an autoimmune disease! The book was great for a biology/anatomy nerd like me, because she shows you exactly how these offending foods can trigger autoimmune disease. It made me much more motivated to implement it. But it's not a forever diet, once you start improving you get to add many of the restricted foods back in. I was on this diet for a year, but am now enjoying many of the restricted foods again.  I think this diet is a big part of my Hashimotos reversal.

I am at a place where I feel I can relax more in regards to my health. I'm not going through any of these crazy programs or diets anymore, but the principles I learned from them have become just a normal integrated way of life. I am so thankful for the God who Heals. For a God who teaches. For a God who provides. Whose power has been displayed through my weaknesses. It is in His power I boast.

When you can't hold your baby...

I kiss my phone a lot. Yeah I know phones are germy., and now mine is even more so..but HER photo is there as the background wallpaper image.

Every time I see her photo my heart feels a bit of a thrill and a bit of an ache. I am so thrilled that God has answered our prayers with this precious little girl. But my heart aches because I just long to hold her. There is something about holding a child that bring a sense of belonging for both the child and the parent. A sense of security. A sense of closeness. And I want this so bad with her. She is just so precious to me and I don't even know her yet. 

I had this same ache to hold my 2nd born when he was born prematurely and the Doctor's whisked him away in a plastic box at birth rather then letting me hold him close for the skin to skin precious bonding time. I had to wait a day to hold him. I had to wait a month to hold him without tubes in the way. That wait...that wait was tough but different...

This time she is across the ocean and I am faced with many many more months of waiting as we finish meeting the legal requirements. And then waiting probably several weeks or months for her to even recognize me as Mom. For what comfort is there in being held by a stranger? I'm waiting to scoop her up in my arms and enjoy the fact that she KNOWS me!. To hold her as I wipe away her tears. To hold her when she wants to read a bedtime story. To hold her just because I am her Mom and I love her so. 

I have past blogs (and here) on how our Motherhood (and Fatherhood) can give us a glimpse to the heart of God as our Father. God our Father longs to Hold us too.

He has already crossed oceans and moved Mountains to for us. He has already met the legal requirements for us to belong to Him. But it's not the ocean and a bunch of paperwork that stop God from holding us.

For some, it is because they do not yet recognize Him as their Loving Father. Why would you want to be held by a stranger?

But even those who do know him as Father can refuse to be held by Him. He has made us, he has rescued  us, and He wants to carry us and sustain us. But somehow, even though his arms are nearby waiting to hold us, we fight them. We rely on our own weak arms to carry ourselves. We run to the distraction of technology to comfort us, rather then His arms. (I'm preaching to myself here). We are afraid of letting Him hold us because we're afraid he will be angry about the mess we have made of our lives. We are too busy to just sit and enjoy being with him because HE loves us and we are His.

Or, like my premmie baby with tubes, there are too many physical ailments, maybe anxiety of depression, that inhibit us from truly feeling His arms even though we know they are there. (but that is whole other blog)

I LONG to hold my baby. I LONG for her to know me as Momma. The Waiting is SO hard. But for now I find comfort in the God who I know is already holding her and is holding me too. But I have to let Him. He is SO ready.

Don't Fight the Hands Holding You