2020: the Year that Keeps on Giving

Despite the Crazy,  here is a snapshot of what 2020 has given our family this year:

Less Anxiety and Stress. Ironically, despite the pandemic, this year has been my healthiest- physically and mentally in a long time.  (Besides the anxiety about an international adoption during a pandemic-which I will touch on later.) The slower schedule, lack of driving, extra time in nature, and some extended breaks from the news and social media have really helped to calm my nervous system. It has been good for our whole family. 

More time with Mr. H. Since he is now full time working from home, it has been nice to see him at lunch and the occasional afternoon walk. Just having another grown-up home all day with me has also lowered my own stress levels. It was definitely an adjustment and there are lots of interruptions, but it has worked well. 

Gratitude for a Stable Job. We are extra thankful this year that B does have a job and that job is secure. He has grown a lot at work as a manager of many employees. He is a great communicator and encourager for them. 

Nature Therapy. We have spent an incredible amount of time in nature this year. We planted flowers and an herb garden. We discovered new hiking trails in the Metroplex. (Mineral Wells and Bob Jones Nature Center are fantastic!)  We took countless family picnics and bike rides. We went camping multiple times (The Website hipcamp.com is so fun to use!)

Bible Studies with Friends

Thanks to video chats, I was able to have much needed Mom time. We learned about training our minds away from of toxic thought patterns in "Get Out of Your Head." (Just in time for Covid) Later this year we studied "On Bended Knee: Praying like Prophets, Warriors, and Kings" which the Lord used to speak to each of us. 

100% Homeschooling Our school year looked different without all of the wonderful outside classes I have come to rely on as a homeschooler. But we enjoyed the slower pace with my Preschooler, 2nd grader and 4th grader. We loved traveling "Around the World with Picture Books" this semester. Our nightly read-aloud time is precious to us. We explored the world of the "Chronicles of Narina", learned along with "All of a Kind Family" and laughed along with the "Vanderbeekers." We also dove into some great interactive family Bible Studies by "Not Consumed". I was also able to give some friends who suddenly found themselves homeschooling this year some direction. I wrote a blog with some homeschooling resources we have experience with. 

Our Fact Gobbler. #1 has his nose constantly in a book. He loves historical fiction. He gobbles up facts like candy.  One of his favorite gifts for Christmas is an Encyclopedia. He has a love for Ocean animals and is an aspiring Marine Biologist. One big thing we worked on this year was memorizing multiplication facts. He is still highly energetic and is a big helper around the house with the right incentive. 

Our Creative One. #2 is constantly creating something out of cardboard (thanks Amazon), tape, and string. He is quite the designer/builder/engineer. He is very compassionate and a big help with his younger siblings. He is a right-brained learner and we have discovered "Snap Words" which have been a big help to kickstart his reading skills. His favorite books to read aloud are Mo Willems' "Elephant and Piggie" series. 

Our Musician. #3 has a love for guitars and violins and is always watching worship videos on Youtube (Phil Wickham is her fav). She can sing each and every word. She has picked up a lot of her alphabet and memorized her favorite books. Her favorite color is yellow and favorite food by far is a banana. She has really grown up a lot this year in her language skills, emotional, and physical development. She even learned how to ride a bike without training wheels!

An Epic Trip. Of course 2020 wouldn't be complete without an epic trip to Taiwan that lasted for one whole month, 2 weeks of which were spent in complete and total quarantine with a 5 year old. There was some extra stress and anxiety leading up to this one for sure. We survived quarantine somehow and now it seems all like a dream: tearfully saying goodbye to my big boys, the empty flights, the phones being tracked, the hand sanitizer, the supplement pile, the weird feeling of being locked up.  What a faith building time this is for anyone in an international adoption! BUT God did provide the perfect place for us to stay and we are so thankful for the Grandma's who took excellent care of our big boys while we were away. We had a wonderful time exploring the country for a week. We loved getting to spend time with J showing her her beautiful country of origin. We visited the children's amusement parks, children's museums, and took a tour of the mountains of Yangmingshan National Park. The last week was spent in the bonding process with our new son.  

Learning Chinese. We have a fabulous friend who spent many months this year giving us Chinese lessons as a family. We have learned so much! We know numbers, colors, animals, fruits, foods, greetings, sentence structure, and children's songs. It has helped so much in he transition with our new son! 

A New Son. And last, but most importantly, In 2020 God gave us a new son. We spent most of the year Skyping with him once a month and sending him care packages. In November we finally got to meet face to face and he joined our family!  It was so precious getting to see the two birth siblings meet for the first time and become a part of the same family. What a gift. He has adjusted really well so far and we loved being together as a family of 6 for Christmas. He is really enjoying following his big brothers around being their shadow. He has grieved over the loss of his foster family in Taiwan, but he is easily bonging to us because of how well they cared for him. He is 4 years old and clever, creative, and silly. He fits right in. He is also teaching us a lot of Chinese!

Thank you 2020 for all you have given us this year. 

The good, the bad, the crazy. The perspective. God is good and we are thankful.

 

Quarantine Cocooning

Quarantine isn’t new to my family. Two years ago when we adopted our daughter, we took about 6-8 months to quarantine ourselves away from the world. We needed to keep her world small. We kept her from contact with anyone outside the five of us in our family. We watched church online. We had food delivered. We restricted her physical contact with others. Sound familiar??

But back then, we had a much nicer word for it...

Cocooning

A caterpillar needs time to hide in it’s miraculous chrysalis so it can grow and transform before it faces the world, and so did our daughter. So we “cocooned.” Our daughter needed to be taught who her new & true parents were. She needed her brain physically rewired to learn:

“Mommy and Daddy are the ones who are to care for me.”
“Mommy and Daddy are the ones I run to for comfort.”
“They are the ones with authority over my life.”
“They hold a special place in my life that no one else can.”

She grew up in a group home, such a loving and caring group home that I hesitate to call it an orphanage. But God designed babies to grow up with the one on one care of a Mommy and Daddy, not groups of caregivers with groups of babies.

She was used to getting her needs met by many different adults and she brought those tendencies into her relationship with us going up to total strangers, flashing a cute smile and looking to them for special attention and care. She would look for them to talk sweetly to her, go up and sit in their laps, reach out for them to hold her and pick her up. Showing “indiscriminate affection” as they call it, an unhealthy behavior very common in children raised in a group home.

Before she interacted with the world, she needed to develop the attachment to us that she missed out on as an infant.  A secure attachment with us lays the groundwork for healthy relationships in her future. A secure attachment is the foundation for the rest of her development-physical,emotional, mental. She needed that relationship with us to be strong before she could flourish. 

And so we cocooned.

We spoon fed her. We bottle fed her. (Yes, at 3 years old). We looked her in the eyes. We sang and rocked and sang and rocked some more. We did playdough with her. We held her hand and walked around the house. We put her in a carrier to walk around the world. She was emotional and full of fear because her world completely changed. It was exhausting and time consuming and lonely and hard.

But each time we did these things a new pathway was formed in her brain-with each meal, with each snuggle, with each song-the pathway in her brain got deeper and deeper. The brain knowledge would turn into heart knowledge:

”Yes, this is my Mom and Dad. They Care for me. They love me. I can trust them.”

There were also Pathways that formed in our own brains, telling us that yes, this sweet child who's needs I have met over and over again is really mine. This child whom I have looked into the eyes of and sang and rocked continuously must be special to my heart. I know many people fear coming into adoption because they believe they could never love another child like their own. And it's true. You cannot love a child who is a stranger like your own. But the beautiful thing that happens when you build these pathways in your brain, this emotional attachment is that THEY BECOME YOUR OWN. This child who was a stranger to our family  now our daughter. OUR daughter.

And I realized that this time of Quarantine we find ourselves in, that the whole world finds itself in could really be made into a beautiful time of …

Cocooning.

If we don’t let it slip by this can be a time to train our hearts and minds to remember

Our true Father
Our Caregiver
Our Comforter
Our Keeper
Our God

For those who trust in Christ as their Savior, we have been legally adopted by God through the sacrifice of his blood. He is our legal and true Abba father.  The one who cares for our needs. The One who gives us comfort and security. The one who loves us immeasurably and we can trust with everything in us.

While we cocoon, He is rewiring our brains and hearts.. 

When He meets our needs day by day our mind learns and relearns over and over again that indeed we can trust him. When He brings up peace through reading His Word we know he is the one we can run to for comfort. When He brings conviction to our heart, we learn that He has authority over our lives. When he meets us in times of worship, we see clearly how He holds a sacred place in our life that no one or nothing else can. Oh for Grace to trust Him more…

“This is my God. He cares for Me. He loves me. I can trust Him."

There were times where we thought we were making progress bonding with our daughter so we would bring her somewhere in public. But then she would reach up to a stranger, her little hands signaling, “Pick me up, pick me up!” And our heart would break. In those moments she reached out to others it felt almost as if she was…

Cheating on us.

She was flirting with the world around her, with complete strangers that have never once truly showed her love and care.And I understood then what God means when he says He jealously yearns for His children. We had worked SO HARD. So so hard to show her, teach her, display to her how much we loved and cared for her. We showed her over and over and yet she still chose to go back to her old ways of seeking comfort and attention from the outside world. She would forget that we were the ones with the title of Mom and Dad and not anyone else. And so we would take another step back and continue to cocoon.

And I can see so many ways that we (myself included) have also forgotten who our True Father is.  The Lord has shown us over and over again how he care for us, yet we go back to our old ways and old lives. We have run away from him and towards anything and everything else to give us the care and attention we crave.

We have cheated on Him
Yet He is jealous for us.

And so here we are in this time of quarantine, but a quarantine can be used as a time of cocooning.  He has striped away all these things we were running to instead of him. It's all gone- our busy schedules, our perfect plans, our financial stability, our confidence in our health, our time with friends, and even our time in church. The things of this earth are fleeting and unsecured and we won't flourish if we keep depending on these things.

We are emotional, fearful, and exhausted but He is there. Now it’s just time with us and Him.  (That is, if we put down our phones.) There is nothing left in this world we can run to to say “pick me up, pick me up!” because HE wants to be the one to pick us up, He wants is our only secure place to run to nothing else in this world. Because a close and secure connection with Him is the only way we will flourish.

Two years later, how is our daughter doing? She clearly knows who her Mommy and Daddy are. She runs to us when she is fearful. She runs to us to get her needs met. She is hesitant to go to unfamiliar places without us. And she does not reach up to total strangers anymore. We still have work to do to build attachment, it’s a work in progress and always will be. But our relationship is stronger and better. She has grown and transformed in amazing ways and she has emerged from her cocoon like a beautiful butterfly.

When she runs to us, my heart is full of Joy!
She knows and trusts she is ours and we are hers!

There is a time of taking flight ahead of us too. A time where we can literally emerge from our homes and the restrictions placed on us and go back into the world. And when we do so, we will come out totally transformed with renewed spirits & trust in our Father. I don’t think it’s an accident that this time of cocooning is during the Spring when new life literally surrounds us. Resurrection Day is a comin’ soon. 

But before we spread our wings, we have to grow. We have to “cocoon” with the Lord. To run back to him, and seek Him with all of our heart. And when we run back to Him, HE runs back with outstretched arms rejoicing that His child has come home. When we draw near to Him he PROMISES to draw near to us.

When we run to God, His heart if full of joy!

We are His and He is ours.

P.S. I was reminded by my hubby after writing the blog that we also quarantined

ourselves about 7 years ago when our little NICU baby was born.

We had to keep his little lungs safe during RSV reason. So we also watched church online

and limited our time in the outside world. So we are quarantine experts apparently. Doesn't mean

I particularily enjoy it though! Ha!

And funny thing is we will probably come right out of this Corona Quarantine into

Cocooning with our son whom we are set to adopt this summer! Quarantine is no fun

but His grace is sufficient!

Coming Home

The Adoption process is similar to pregnancy in the fact of feeling like you're going to POP. But it's not my belly about to POP, it's my heart. My heart is full and I am SO ready to bring our girl home. I have her room ready, I have dresses in her closet, I've read the books, done the trainings, and completed the mountains of paperwork. We found out about her sweet life and first saw her precious face about 10 months ago for the first time when we started the matching process. I've traveled the world once already to meet her and can't wait to do it again to bring her home. The waiting is so hard.

BUT NOW...the wait is almost over!! After about a 2 year process, our day is almost here! We get to travel in about a month to bring her home! We will travel in about a month to bring her home. My title as a boy-mom is about to change. Our lives as we know it, our lives that we've been comfortable living as a family of 4 are about to change drastically. But HER life is about to change even more. After almost 3 years of life, our little girl will finally have a family. But she cannot gain a family without losing something first. She will lose her life as she knows it. She will lose her language and culture. She will lose some of the most sweetest and loving caregivers ever. And as joyful as I am that we get to bring her home to our family, a part of me also mourns with her in these losses. But even here I see a reflection of the Gospel in adoption.

We cannot know Jesus and gain a place in His family without Losing our lives first. We must give up our desires, our selfish tendencies, our plans, our everything...but in return we gain LIFE! We gain a family!! And Jesus had to LOSE his OWN LIFE, He lost everything. But HE gained SO much more. HE gained glory. He gained His people. He gained us, His family. While we mourn the loss that Sweet Pea will experience, we also have hope that we can reflect Jesus (at least a little bit) by bringing her into our family. It was such a sad sad day when Jesus died on that cross, but what a Happy Day it was when He washed our sins away.

We love you guys, Thank you for SO much love, support, prayers, and gifts you have given through the past 2 years. God is SO good and SO Faithful. We are thankful to Him for how He has led us and grown our family. Please keep praying for us as we transition our girl into our family. Pray for her in the grieving process as she loses everything. Pray for us to attach to each other quickly and well. Pray for our boys to be patient and gentle with their new little sister. 

Your prayers are the biggest blessing to us!

Much Love!

~B

 

When you can't hold your baby...

I kiss my phone a lot. Yeah I know phones are germy., and now mine is even more so..but HER photo is there as the background wallpaper image.

Every time I see her photo my heart feels a bit of a thrill and a bit of an ache. I am so thrilled that God has answered our prayers with this precious little girl. But my heart aches because I just long to hold her. There is something about holding a child that bring a sense of belonging for both the child and the parent. A sense of security. A sense of closeness. And I want this so bad with her. She is just so precious to me and I don't even know her yet. 

I had this same ache to hold my 2nd born when he was born prematurely and the Doctor's whisked him away in a plastic box at birth rather then letting me hold him close for the skin to skin precious bonding time. I had to wait a day to hold him. I had to wait a month to hold him without tubes in the way. That wait...that wait was tough but different...

This time she is across the ocean and I am faced with many many more months of waiting as we finish meeting the legal requirements. And then waiting probably several weeks or months for her to even recognize me as Mom. For what comfort is there in being held by a stranger? I'm waiting to scoop her up in my arms and enjoy the fact that she KNOWS me!. To hold her as I wipe away her tears. To hold her when she wants to read a bedtime story. To hold her just because I am her Mom and I love her so. 

I have past blogs (and here) on how our Motherhood (and Fatherhood) can give us a glimpse to the heart of God as our Father. God our Father longs to Hold us too.

He has already crossed oceans and moved Mountains to for us. He has already met the legal requirements for us to belong to Him. But it's not the ocean and a bunch of paperwork that stop God from holding us.

For some, it is because they do not yet recognize Him as their Loving Father. Why would you want to be held by a stranger?

But even those who do know him as Father can refuse to be held by Him. He has made us, he has rescued  us, and He wants to carry us and sustain us. But somehow, even though his arms are nearby waiting to hold us, we fight them. We rely on our own weak arms to carry ourselves. We run to the distraction of technology to comfort us, rather then His arms. (I'm preaching to myself here). We are afraid of letting Him hold us because we're afraid he will be angry about the mess we have made of our lives. We are too busy to just sit and enjoy being with him because HE loves us and we are His.

Or, like my premmie baby with tubes, there are too many physical ailments, maybe anxiety of depression, that inhibit us from truly feeling His arms even though we know they are there. (but that is whole other blog)

I LONG to hold my baby. I LONG for her to know me as Momma. The Waiting is SO hard. But for now I find comfort in the God who I know is already holding her and is holding me too. But I have to let Him. He is SO ready.

Don't Fight the Hands Holding You

It's a Match!!!

It was 8:30 on a morning in July when I glanced at my phone and saw a missed call and a voice message from a 347-area code."New York?...Oh my gosh, I think this is Mary, our caseworker!" At this point in the process any call from her left me on the edge of my seat! (Why I never saved her number in my phone, I'll never know!) I ran out to the end of our driveway praying all the way for my cell phone to work and not drop the call as I pushed the callback button. (We live in a valley with awful cell service.) Much to my surprise, the call never dropped, and our case worker told us there was a 2 year old girl, one already waiting for a family, that she recommend us consider adopting. This was even before we had officially been "approved" by the government in Taiwan to adopt.  And we already had a promising file to read through! And a sweet toddler girl! My heart was thrilled! 

Taiwan has an amazing adoption program, where unlike many other countries, we have details of the child's past. We had every hospital record, a doctor's note about every sickness, the history of the birth family, and how the need for adoption was determined. Also, our agency has a special program called "Superkids" that sends child development specialists and adoption advocates twice a year to visit the waiting children, determine their needs, and take lots of photos and videos of the children. We were so blessed to see so many professional photos and videos from this team! 

Needless to say we had a lot to review! So we read all through her files, looked through some videos and photos to see how she is developing (trying not to be too swayed by the cuteness factor), talked to our pediatrician, asked close friends for prayers, and prayed ourselves. After reviewing her file for a week, we pushed the YES button.We were honored that we could even be considered for such a precious little girl!

Then it came time for the Agency in Taiwan to review us. And so the wait began. They reviewed our Homestudy and after 2 weeks sent us a looooong list of detailed questions. Tough questions like, "Tell me about your parenting and discipline style," and "How will you meet the developmental needs of all three children in your home since they are all different ages?" "What would you do if situation A or B occurred.." We spent many late nights working on these questions because we had to email them back within the week. Then we waited 3 more weeks. Yes Adoption requires Waiting...Lots of Waiting...

Then finally...the morning of August 22nd I saw another missed call and voicemail from our caseworker. I listened to the voicemail of our caseworker saying, "I have good news, Call me back!" My heart started pounding and I got all giddy and excited dancing around the kitchen. This time, I gathered the kids into the minivan as quick as I could and drove up the hill to a nearby park where I usually make my important phone calls. Sure enough, we were MATCHED!! Officially MATCHED!! With this precious little one:

Oh how I wish I could show you her whole face! Her eyes are so sparkly and her smile just melts your heart. We are required to wait to share online photos of her full face until the adoption is complete. This point in the process is officially called a referral. She is not ours yet, she is our HOPEFUL ours. The adoption agency is referring the Taiwan government to us to be her family. Of course, with all adoptions there is always a possibility of an another outcome than us adopting this child.  As our paper pregnancy continues we expect to bring her in to our family in about 7-8 months. Yep, 7-8 months...more waiting.

Immigration and court paperwork are the immediate next steps. In the next 2-3 weeks, the final payment to the adoption agency is due with these documents. God has provided so generously!! Only $3,000 is left of our $25,000 adoption fees (not including travel)!  If you feel so led, there are a few ways you can help us financially : 

Tax deductible donations to:
Tax Deductible ABBA fund

Through fundraiser purchases:
Ammasumma.org Fair trade and beautiful clothing & accessories. (Enter code HEFLINADOPTION at checkout and 50% will be donated to our family.)

Funky Socks
Sunshine Shirts

Mama Bird Shirts

Fair Trade Coffee

Please continue to pray for us as we enter these next stages of waiting and preparing. As we receive updated photos and reports, the adoption is feeling more real. Our boys were excited to send a care package to her recently and like seeing her photos hung in the living room. Pray for their transition to being big brothers to a little girl. Please pray for us as we plan our travel to Taiwan and for her arrival and transition to our home. Please pray for our hearts to focus on Jesus and to trust Him every step of the way.

She will be:

 

Mrs. Heflin's Adoption Story

“I slept on the cold concrete floor with only a mat for a bed and a thin folded blanket for a pillow. I spent a couple nights there living like the children. As I laid on my mat, I looked across the room and wept. I thought about all the children in the US with comfy fluffy beds, clean pajamas, a night light, and mommy to tuck them in and sing lullabies. I was surrounded by children sleeping alone on the hard floor in their dirty ratty clothes. In the morning, we helped the little ones shower and get dressed. We poured cups of cold water on their heads and washed their hair with a little bar of soap because shampoos are too expensive. Then they just put the same dirty clothes right back on…”  This memory is a journal entry from my time working in an orphanage in India. It is forever engrained in my heart. It is just one of the many threads of my life that God used to lead me toward adoption.

Sampath-an orphan I was dying to take home from India

God has given me many “threads’ as one of my favorite authors Jennie Allen calls them in her book Restless. Threads of my gifts, my passions, my sufferings, and my people that all join together to form this intricate tapestry God is weaving together so beautifully. The individual threads don’t make sense until the tapestry is complete and you can turn it over to see the full picture. I feel like, I have finally caught a glimpse into what this bigger picture may be during this season of my life. And that is the picture of adoption.

One of the consistent threads of my life starting in my teen years, is a burden for orphans and needy children. My heart breaking on the orphanage floor in India is one of many memories. I served in homeless shelters, sponsored children, traveled on mission trips to teach village children, lead VBS at apartment complexes, tutored kids in the inner city. I began my teaching career at a school in a low-income area and cared for my class as if they were my own children. I know that this deep love and compassion is not of my own doing, but comes from the Spirit of Jesus. Jesus who healed the broken and fed the hungry while he walked the earth, A God who himself loved the needy and broken so much that he Suffered and Died for them. That is the very Spirit who gave me compassion for the “least of these.” (Matthew 25:40)

My first class-my first "kids"

Another consistent thread is my unique ability to connect with international people. God began weaving this thread into my life during my time in college when he gave me a few international roommates. I enjoyed learning about their country and trying new foods. I travelled internationally many times, adapting to other cultures. What I saw most in these foreign lands was the need for someone to tell them about a Savior who offers hope and eternal life. I desired to have beautiful feet that would bring them good news! (Romans 10:14) In my young adult years, I began studying missions and started working in International Student Ministry at a local college. It is through this International Student Ministry that I got to know my future husband. Our love for internationals connected us at a deeper level and we both were particularly able to form good bonds with students from Asia.  Today, we continue to serve in this ministry along with our children. As we serve these students, our children are able to develop that same love for other cultures as we share the light of Jesus with them.

Our International Friends who helped connect our hearts

Later into my college years, God began pointing me toward the beauty of adoption, another thread in my tapestry. I saw my aunt and uncle struggle as they poured their heart and soul into raising their three adopted children. I realized that the hope and life they were giving their children was worth the sacrifice.  The first family I had met who adopted from China opened my eyes to the fact that adoption can not only give a child a new identify in a family but that child can also gain a whole new identify in Christ when adopted into a Christian home.  In these last few years my heart has constantly been drawn toward the families around me who were formed through adoption. Especially those families who have adopted from Asia.

My gifts, abilities, and resources are yet more threads God has used to point us toward adoption. As 2 Corinthians 9:11 says, “We have been enriched in every way to be generous in every way.” One major “resource” we have is that of our two sons. God uses our boys to make us lean more on Christ as we learn what it means to parent well and discipline with grace. God has given me the gift and background of teaching in early childhood education. Our family has a homeschooling structure in place that values natural learning opportunities but also incorporates classroom learning. God has given me the ability to learn and assimilate new knowledge quickly. Recently, I have gained a wealth of knowledge about health and nutrition and strive to improve the health of my family through natural ways. I can see how the Lord can use our parenting skills, our homeschooling structure, and our knowledge of healthcare to bless another child. These things, already in place in our family, can bless another child.

The Lord is so faithful and generous to provide for us financially. This last year we were able to move to a larger home in a prime location close to the city but still surrounded by nature. This last year, I was in an auto accident which forced us into purchasing a new car and God provided us with a large minivan. Through these provisions I can see how God has been preparing even the physical space to bless another child.  He has surrounded us with the support of many believers through our church home and their prayers and encouragement are one of our most precious resources for our adoption.

Our home

There is an ugly thread in my tapestry. Ugly, but without it, my tapestry would be left with a gaping hole. That is the thread of my sufferings. My whole life I have dealt with anxiety and fear of man. These last couple of years it manifested itself through health issues such as panic attacks and digestive disorders. In this weakness, I boast because that is where Christ’s power can be made strong in me. (2 Corinthians 12:9) I wouldn’t know him as deeply if it were not for my suffering. It is in my suffering that I have more reason to rejoice and give Him glory for the healing that I have already experienced. It is in this suffering that I am better able to minister to others in those same struggles whether mentally or physically. Perhaps God will give me an adopted child who shares many of these sufferings and I will be well equipped to minister to their needs

The suffering in my health has opened the door to adoption for our family. Both of our sons were born premature, with our youngest needing to spend 5 weeks in the NICU. For the past couple of years I have been working to heal my hypothyroidism, hormone imbalances, high cortisol, and digestive disorders. And God is healing me! I no longer have severe panic attacks and my hormones are beginning to feel balanced. I still have room for more healing and do not feel that my body is at the point where it is able to go through another pregnancy. I am at a point where my heart and emotions are ready to be a new Mom again. Adoption had always been something on my mind to think about for the future, but through this circumstance, it became clear that for our family the time to begin was now.

Our precious NICU baby

We had been discussing the idea of adoption for about a year, but it was during very tough week in August where my health was at one of my weakest moments that the Lord led us to take a huge leap of faith‎ and make our first baby step toward adoption. In my weakest of weeks, where I was fasting from certain foods and feeling nauseous from medication, that He wanted me to say YES to Him and trust Him! The Lord spoke very clearly to me through Isaiah 58 where the Lords compares and contrasts true and false fasting. He says in verses 7-8a, “Is this not the kind of fasting I have chosen… Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear.” I had for so long been using my health as an excuse not to adopt. BUT what if seeking adoption is what I really needed to do FIRST and then the Healing would come as these verses say? I am not relying on adoption itself to heal me, but I see over in over in Scripture when Jesus healed people as a result of their Faith and Obedience. I don’t think it is an accident that during these last couple of months I have felt more energized, healthy and stronger then I have in a long time. He is faithful.

Recently we read the book, Adopted for Life, by Russell Moore. The theology in this book solidified for me the reason that adoption is such a beautiful thing. Adoption displays to the world a picture of how Christ chose us, took us out of despair, sacrificed for us, and gave us his Name-a new identity-as we become a part of His family. (Ephesians 4:1-6, Galatians 4:5-7) No wonder the beauty of adoption drew the attention of my heart so strongly, it is a clear picture of the Gospel. At the same time, I was reading a book for Jennie Allen entitled Anything where she says: “From this point on things are changing. I am living for the moment when I will face you. I want to get to heaven out of breath, having willingly done ANYTHING that you-the God of the universe ask…ANYTHING.” Adoption is my “Anything.”

We take step of obedience because we know God has called us to Adoption. My life has never been the same since being adopted into the family of THE KING. We desire to reflect that same love in an earthly way by bringing a child into our family. The tapestry of my life is slowly unfolding and I see the beautiful picture He has used all me threads to create.

Taiwan

Mr. Heflin's Adoption Story

A Guest Post! Written by the One and Only Mr. H sharing his Heart:

Why am I adopting is intertwined with how God has spoken to my heart. For a few years, I’ve thought of adoption as just a good idea. I had decided that if the situation ever presented itself, such as encountering an orphaned child or saving one from abortion, that I’d adopt the child. I felt that if the Lord wanted me to adopt, he’d use a similar situation to bring it to a reality. Now as my wife and I prepare forms and prepare emotionally for an international adoption these early thoughts were mere foot scuffles to the path the Lord planned. 

About two years or so ago I mark knowing we had discussed adoption. While discussing my brother’s wishes in his final will/testament, he indicated that he’d leave his estate to my offspring.  “Does that include adopted children?” Did I just ask that, we hadn’t agreed to start down the path, it was just a “sometime in the future” thought. We weren’t pursuing any means to figure out the adoption process. This conversation started my pondering as to what God wanted for our family through adoption. My theological view of adoption only related to how Christ brought us into God’s family. Family in my understanding were the blessings entitled to Israel and others can partake through adoption via Christ’s Sacrifice as indicated in Galatians 4:4-5. “But when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons.” Yes, Adoption comes through Christ, but God defines to humanity it’s importance through his adoptive nature displayed through the scriptures.

My eyes began opening to the display of scriptural adoption. About a year ago, we listened to one of our church pastors talk about how through adopting his children, he understood our adoption better. He referred to “Adopted for Life” by Moore. We purchased the book, I began to read it and read it aloud together. My wife yearned to start growing our family through adoption. I wanted to understand that it was the correct direction for our family. A few chapters into the book, I wanted to start our adoption plans knowing that He would direct each step. Proverbs 16:9 “A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.” I didn’t want to act until I’d completed the book. I began to pray that we’d listen and be guided to the same direction for this process.  Adoption is shown in tandem with God’s passion for “Every tribe tongue and Nation” to know Him. In his calling of Abram in Genesis 12 we see the shadow of adoption by God. God calls Abram away from his family and people to be blessing to all peoples. The start of Israel as a nation is now understood as a process of adoption. The blessings to Israel were not to a born lineage but to a starting of a family via adopting one person with a purpose. Upon adoption Israel received blessings, the understanding that Israel was pulled from another family is typically lost in theology. However, our Lord establishes this family as His. He uses this a as picture of how our proclamation of His deed through Christ’s life, death, and resurrection brings us into the Blessings to Israel, His blessing. His Blessing - Eternal communion with him. We hope to only imitate such a weighty understanding of adoption through our process. My heart for our adoption process changed and my understanding of scriptural understanding transformed. As I neared the end of the book, I felt that adoption is His leading. During this time of reading, my wife researched the adoption process. When I told her I was ready, she came with adoption organizations, and practical steps.

Practical steps leading to weighty questions directing our adoption path. “Domestic or international adoption?” Seemed to be a frontrunner question. God’s love is not bound by people’s groupings as indicated in Matthew 28 and the promise to Abraham. A love for the nations and a bible study for Asian college students encouraged us to start our relationship as a dating couple. We saw how God gifted us to work together. In our ministry during marriage we notice that we connect and relate well with Asians. We also understood that international adoption placement is described to take longer than domestic. Though we want to adopt as soon as possible, the longer placement time will give our family preparation time. We can start to further understand the culture and practice refining our parenting.

As we walked down the process of adoption, I internalized about how I could love anyone with little connection/interaction.  “What proof do I have that I can love?”  I love my children but I’ve know them from the start. I love my wife, but I chose her and made a commitment. A stranger still what about loving them? A friend once encouraged that it takes time. It took multiple weeks for her to know and love her second child who was biological. But proof that I can love, is that God loved me first. 1 John 4:19. His love in me produces love for others. And others include my future adopted children. In His love, a few months ago he showed me a glimpse. We kept our nephews over the weekend. We kept one of them a few times before but that weekend we had both. At the end, God showed me how we could include others into our family and love those not our own. This growing love is only from Our Lord.  I’m humbled to see the love the Lord is growing in me toward our future child.  Unlike any other love, it’s directed to one whom I do not know nor whom I have not seen.  I find at times being prompted to pray for this child and deep anticipation for our meeting. I’m prompted to pray for them in their situations now, and for their transition to our family. Though challenges still are to come and the road may not be perfect, I enjoy this time watching my love being cultivated.  This love is one our Lord is cultivating and in the fullness of time will be brought to fruition.

Moving forward with applications and training, I still try to find the words to explain why. This is summed up in that we have a family and are going to make it available for child to be loved and to become one of our family. I hope this becomes a picture and reminder for me & my wife of the magnitude of God’s love for us. Through this reminder that we can display His love to our children and future children. And one day, each one of our children will personally understand the depths of His Love.

Looking for a Super Kid to add to our Super Family.

Our Heart behind Fundraisers

I hate the word "Fundraiser," It brings to mind those cheapo little prizes I got for selling over priced merchandise from catalogs in elementary school.  Anyone that even utters the word "Fundraiser" makes me want to turn and run away! So why are we doing fundraisers for our adoption?

Here is my Heart on why I am now OK with the dreaded "Fundraiser" word:

1. We need our Village. You have heard the quote "It takes a Village to Raise a Child." In adoption, I think that starts at the very beginning. Our Village will provide us the support, encouragement and most importantly, prayers that we need right from the get go in this season of preparation. When we face challenges as we bring our child home, we will already have our Village in place cheering us on. In Luke 12:34, Jesus says "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." It is for this reason that we ask for financial support at well. We find it true in our own lives that when we are financially vested in a ministry, our heart beats stronger for it and we are more inclined to pray for them.  We hope that as people give their treasures toward our adoption, that their heart will also be with us. 

2. It provides an opportunity for others to play their part in God's call to care for Orphans. Multiple times in the Bible, we are called to care for, pray for, seek the justice of, and share resources with the Fatherless. See: 4 Things the Bible Says about Orphans. The most well known passage concerning this is James 1:27 “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” I don't think everyone is called to Adopt. but I do think everyone is called to care for Orphans in someway. Fundraising provides others with one way to fulfill this calling.

3. As we receive financial support, it will result in our Praise to God for His provision. It gives us confidence that Adoption indeed is what He has called us to do. Receiving gifts from others squashes our pride and self sufficiency and allows only the glory to be given to God. 2 Corinthians 9:13, "For this ministry of service is not only supplying the needs of the saints, but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanksgiving to God." 

So it really shouldn't be called a  Fundraiser anyways...

It should be called

"An opportunity to GIVE."

These are some of our current opportunities to GIVE: 

ABBA Fund (Tax deductible)

Sweet Shirtsl

Coffee!! (Fair trade and Organic)

Adoption FAQ

As we enter this Adoption process, the first thing we get from everyone is lots of questions. We understand as we've taken time &prayer to contemplate and answer them.  Hopefully this blog will help to provide some answers to your curiosities!    

Why? The short answer is because God has adopted us into His family, and we desire to reflect that love and adopt a child to bring into our family. We feel God’s leading in this over the past couple years in how He has left us some room to grow in our family, has placed a burden on our hearts to care for orphans, and given us as a love for international people. It is so neat to see how God has woven together our experiences, passions, and gifts to lead us to an international adoption.

Where from and Why there? When first considering adoption, I (Bri) had my heart set on China. But after doing some research we discovered that Taiwan in a better fit for our family because they have children available who are younger and without severe special needs.

Why international? We understand that there are so many children in the US that need a home, and it breaks our hearts. We feel like God has uniquely gifted us with a passion for international people. In the past years we have especially formed good relationships with Asian friends. We also did not think that US infant adoption or Foster to Adopt program was a good fit for our family.

Are you wanting to adopt a girl? In this process we are told to be willing to accept any gender and so that is what we will try our best to do. I would love the addition of a little girl, but a little boy would fit right into our family too. We are also open to accepting a pair of siblings.

How old? The child we get will most likely be between 2-5 years old. It is recommended to adopt children younger than ones you already have in order to maintain birth order and for safety reasons. However, sometimes there are exceptions. We can’t get any younger than 2 years old because they won’t be available for adoption internationally until they are 18 months old.

How long will it take? This is a 2-3 year process. It sounds so so long, but we think it will be great timing for our family. Our boys will hopefully be more mature and helpful. Also, this gives my body enough time to be healed and a lot stronger. 

Are you infertile? No, my health (although it is improving) is just not in the best shape to go through a pregnancy anytime soon. Adoption is not our second choice by any means and my health is not the driving factor in us wanting to adopt. I had the desire to care for orphans even before marriage. But my health is something that opened the door to adoption at this point in time by leaving some space open in our home and in our hearts.

What agency are you going through? The Gladney Center for Adoption. This agency’s home office is in Fort Worth, where we will do much or our training. They are highly reputable, have been around 100 years, and our church has a partnership with them. I especially like the amount of pre and post adoption care and training they have for parents.

Have you told your kids about it yet? Yes, and they are really excited and compassionate about it! They learned a lot about orphans over the summer when my oldest brought home movies and books from church about missionaries. They really want to take care of an orphan too and love the idea of having another sibling. My youngest is even already saving his pennies up and often prays for God to bring us a baby from Taiwan.

How much does it cost? A lot! But we plan on applying for grants, tax credits, and doing fundraisers so others can be a part of this mission in bringing home a child. Stay tuned for more info on how you can support us.

You know this will be the hardest thing you’ve even had to do right? I have had to learn that adoption is not charity and we are not superheros pulling an orphan up out of their suffering. But rather, we are joining them in their suffering. Jesus suffered so we could be part of His family and he joins us in our present suffering. I know that is something we will have to do to. But to me it is worth it. Yes, it will make my life harder, but isn’t it worth a minor suffering in my life, for a child to have a totally new life?!

How is your heart feeling? Excited, scared, relieved…like it is this airplane I have wanted to jump off for some time and I finally got the parachute and the thumbs up to jump out and go. Pray for us as we take this leap of Faith-that we will see God holding us up through it all.   

How can we pray for you? Please pray we use this season of preparation well as we complete home studies and training. Please pray for a good community of other adoptive families to surround us. Please pray for all the finances to come together. Please pray that we would daily put on the armor of God and be protected against the evil one as we support the right to LIFE.  Please pray that God would lead us to the right child (or children) for our family! Please pray for our little one-whoever they are and whereever they are. That as they wait for a family they find comfort in God as their Father.